Called To Serve

Dear Elder Cordon,

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

You are assigned to labor in the Washington Kennewick Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve 

for a period of 24 months. 

You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wedsnesday, May 21, 2014.

     This is what I read last night on the 22 of March.  As I was standing in the large theater room at The Hill Cumorah Visitors Center. The Holy Ghost was there with me, and after a brief testimony "I know this church is true". I started to read, as soon as I read the words Washington Kennewick Mission, the Holy Ghost comfirmed to me that was where I needed to be and to go. I felt such a comfort and feeling of joy that overwhelmed my whole body. 

    

     I am going on a mission. I have not ever wanted anything more in my whole life and to be able to have the opportunity is so unbelievably satisfying. This gospel is life changing and I get the opportunity to share it with the people of the Washington Kennewick area.  I know that this gospel is life changing because it has changed mine. I stand as a witness of the power of the atonement. I know that by keeping the commandments we are given gifts and knowledge unmatched by anything in this world; but only by strict adherence to the commandments of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  

     Doctrine and Covenants, (D&C) a book of scripture containing revelations from the Lord to the Prophet Joseph Smith and other latter-day Prophets. Has a great chapter that spells out missionary work, D&C 4 a chapter that they have all missionary's memorize and all should read. To get you started here is D&C 4:1-3 "Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth amount the children of men. Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have a desires to serve God ye are called to the work;" 

     I have been called to the work. This has been a long work in progress, I first turned in my papers back in November of last year. With a few things needing to get done before I left, one of which was losing 30 lbs. I then had the opportunity to, learn and prepare, to accept and be ready, for this call that I was to receive. 

     Six months ago I first knew that a mission was going to be my future. I didn't realize then just how unprepared I was, but Heavenly Father did and he let me know.  He gave me the time I needed and the opportunities I needed to build me into the missionary that He needed.  Six months ago I knew that the gospel was true and I accepted that. I knew what the gospel could do to change a life. Although I needed to grow my testimony in the Book of Mormon, I needed to grow in the Holy Ghost, to be able to recognize His promptings and His influence. I needed to grow in my priesthood and to start using it again and to know of it's power that will be used as a missionary. 

     Through the experiences that I have been able to receive over the last six months which have all helped me grow and develop the attributes that I was lacking and needed to improve, I have been able to see miracles happen through the gospel already in just that short time.  I was able to share my testimony with a less active who is now, after working with the missionaries, working towards a mission. I was involved in the discussions with a young man, now new member, who has allowed the gospel to change his life and battle addictions.  I latter baptized and confirmed him, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and gave him the gift of the Holy Ghost. What an amazing experience that was, seeing from start to finish the workings of the gospel.  The spirit that was present at that baptism was so strong. I was able to feel it working through me because of the beautiful power of the proper priesthood which I hold. 

     My purpose as a missionary is "Invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Chirst and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end." (Preach My Gospel handbook) I am ready to be a missionary, I love this gospel so much. I know exactly what it can do in the lives of everyone. We are all children of our Heavenly Father who has nothing but love for us and a longing for us to return to Him. We have been given the blessings and truths of this gospel in our day and it is our responsibility, and obligation, to share it.  

Matthew 28:19-20. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. 

 

     

A Cherished Gift

      I love the gift of agency that was giving to us through the plan of salvation.  The gift that we have to choose shows me just how far the love of our Heavenly Father can reach. To let us make our choices, wether it be right or wrong, is one of the basic principles of the Plan. It allows for the most growth, the most faith, and the most humbling of ourselves. 

      From the beginning our agency has been at the top of the list of protected gifts from God.  Part of Satan's plan was to take away our agency.  To control us as puppets to make sure we all returned to the Father.  Even though the end result is what we want anyway, the means to get there would not allow any growth.  Which would be a contradiction to the reason way we needed bodies in the first place.  We needed to grow past what we already had. 

     In the beginning Adam and Eve where commanded not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, but was also told that they could choose for theirselves. It was the first act of agency against the commandments of God. That was what was needed to start the world and to start the Plan because without choice there could not be any real salvation. 

     The atonement is centered around agency. We have to choose to ask for forgiveness. In Luke 11:9 the statement is made to: "Ask, and it shall be given you.... knock, and it shall be opened unto you." We have to make to decision to let Him in and choose to get the answers we seek.  It is all based on our choices that we make wether it be good or evil we are the ones that are making them not anyone else.  

      He loves all of his children and wants them to return to him so he gave us the other gifts that are included in the Plan of Salvation.  He has given us a commandments, the atonement, the scriptures, a prophet, all that is included the the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yet it is still our responsibility to choose, listen, obey and use all that has been given to us. 

     Now it is a gift that was given to us, that Satan was trying to take away before we came. So beware because he is still trying to take that away. There are choices that he wants us to make that would hinder our ability to keep choosing for ourselves. Things like addictions take away our agency. Choosing to not use the atonement can take away choices of our eternal life.  Our agency is a gift that we fought for and we need to continue to fight for and make the choice to live a righteous life. It may not be the easiest but on an eternal scale it is the best way

A Grieving Soul

    Now that I had accepted the gospel back in my life I had to confront that my life that I was currently living and the life I had lived was not in acceptrance with the gospel and the standards that I should be upholding.  I came to really know the power of the atonement and just how it can change lives, even mine.  The part that came first was the guilt from having to deal with the things that I had done.  So I started the repentance process talked to the bishop, prayed, and read my scriptures but what I couldn't get a grasp on was forgiving myself.  I didn't know how I was going to accept and forget the things that I had done.

      What I know now is that not forgetting is the best part.  It is the worst part if you don't let the power of the atonement work if your life though.  If the process ended with you forgetting all your sins then you would never be able to learn from them and the same temptations from Satan would work again, and we would keep falling into similar traps. We need to learn from our mistakes, and know are weaknesses and strengths, in order to grow after (through the atonement) God has forgiven and forgotten (not going to hold those sins against you in judgement).

      For me the best part about remembering my sins is that I remember how I felt burdened by them and guilty for what I had done.  I felt that I couldn't be loved by God for the things I had done. I would go to sleep at night in tears just begging to forget cause how could I think I was a good person if I knew what I did.  I didn't realize just how selfish I was being at the time, and no wonder I wasn't reaching the last step of the atonement. I had done everything I needed to do: I recognized the sins, sought the bishop to confess my sins, sought after the forgiveness of God, I changed my thoughts and actions, but even though I had done all that I missed the most important part. In D&C 19:16 For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent.  

 

    I was holding onto that suffering, and letting it keep me from knowing the true power of the atonement which is to take that suffering away. It happened to me very suddenly, that when I realized I was being so selfish as to hold back the gift that God and Jesus Christ wanted to give to me. That Jesus Christ, our Savior, already suffered for me it shook me to my core. In that same moment I realized that I was causing my portion of his suffering to be in vain because I didn't want to let it go. I was overcome with my burden of what I was doing that again in just a moment I let him take it away. I gave up my hold to them and let him take away the suffering and pain and just as quick as I had done that a peace fell over me that filled me with such joy I had never felt before.  I not only can remember my sins and learn from them I can remember this moment. That I know God as forgiven me and as long as I keep the atonement working in my life, the greatest gift given to us, I shall have eternal life. D&C 29:1-4.... 3. Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, that at this time your sins are forgiven you, therefore you receive these things; but remember to sin no more, lest perils shall come upon you.

The Beginning...

      I came from a place that was dark and corrupted.  I had let it get that way.  I let every thought and every action become corrupted, and the only thing that mattered was for me to have my wants for the moment be satisfied. I moved across the country to save myself.  Three years ago I wouldn't have been able to honestly tell that I would live to see 25.  And here I am 25 writing this blog to tell the story of my life saving conversion.
   

      I was born into the church, but when I was 12 I let seeds of anger and doubt take root and grow inside. Within a few short years I was a changed person, and not for the better.  I let that continue to bring my life to places I never thought I would go. I let very strong emotions like: fear, doubt, anger, scared, lonely, embarrassment literally control my choices in my life; and the only person that keeps you feeling that way is 1 yourself and 2 Satan. The Lord wants nothing more than to take those feelings away from you. 

      

      I have had many amazing spiritual opportunities, that looking back on it now I can realize they were just unbelievable.  But I would not hear or see or feel them at the time, and my favorite lie to tell myself whenever I would have a feeling that the church was making an impact I would simply tell myself "ya but I don't know that it's true" and that was always enough for me to just turn away and forget it ever happened. The only thing that would make that turn faster is if someone was there that pointed out that the was spirit present.  I was scared of what that would mean for my life, because embracing  the gospel would have meant a complete change of my life. Everything in my life would not have fit in the gospel. Friends, hobbies, girlfriend, thoughts, feelings, and as a teenager who already feels that simple things like having a bad hair day means the next six months of life are ruined. I was not ready for the gospel and I didn't want to keep having questions. So going to places like BYU ED Week, to listen to speakers like John Bytheway and Scott Anderson, and mutual activities and church on Sundays was now out of the question. SO I RAN, AND RAN FAST.

      

The Awakening!

      I was 22 years old when I fled across the country trying to save my life. I knew it was going to be a life saving move, but never would I have guessed it would end me here. Even at the first of this year  I wouldn't have even guessed this was going to happen to me.  Now, with no notice, this has been the most important, exciting, hardest, sorrowing, humbling, spiritual year of my entire life. This year at the Hill Cumorah Pageant my life was changed forever.

      Through introducing new influences into my life starting at the beginning of this year, it provided my life a small friendly dose of the gospel and the Holy Ghost back into my life. Slowly I realized feelings that had been missing from my life and that had been missing for a long time. So when the Pageant started in July I decided to really commit to the experience that was there to take part in. That meant spending both Saturdays to tour the The Church Sites: The Sacred Grove with the Joseph Smith Farm, The Book of Mormon Publication site, and the Hill Cumorah Visiter Center.  On the second Saturday my life was changed forever; after the visit of the B.O.M.P which I brought a set of elders with me. We were talking about how the tour went, and what we felt about it. When there was a break in the conversation and a very familiar question came into my head "ya, but I don't know if it is true." A very clear and defining answer came into my head, as clear as if one of the elders had spoke it that said "Yes Steven you know that this is true" and then followed up with "So stop asking that question." Accompanied with these words was the overwhelming sustaining spirit that I could not deny what I just heard was true.  That spirit stayed with me throughout the rest of the day and kept confirming the truth of what I was hearing and feeling throughout the tours and the performance of Pageant.